The Reason Behind

When something is not for you, some things will happen, and these will prevent you from getting that something.

Has this happened to you? It happened to me a lot of times. I learned from those events in my life, when I wanted something and I prayed for it and nothing happened or some blocks were put along the way. I do not feel bad anymore when they happen now. I know that this is God’s way of telling me that “not all things go your kind of way.”

Back then, I would have wanted to be just a musician. But then I was not a square, a triangle or a round person. I was hexagonally cut with rough edges. So, what I wanted did not go well with what was in store for me.

Back then, I would have wanted to be a doctor. But then I was afraid of blood and needles. I could not eat in a hospital room. Worse, when I was dissecting the cat in Zoology class, I remembered the smell for days, for weeks, for months. Eating became a problem. So, I told myself, “I may not be a good doctor one day.” So, I quit on that idea of becoming a doctor.

Back then, I would have wanted to be a teacher. But then I belong to a generation that molded people to be a doctor, a lawyer, a nurse, an engineer. So, becoming a teacher was not one of those choices. Looking back makes me feel so sad. I was already there, and I let it go. Now I realize how important it is for a teacher to mold the minds of the young. I could have been a good teacher.

I became a lawyer not because I wanted to go to court. I became a lawyer because I wanted to make my father proud that someone took on his footsteps. I dread the courts. I do not love argumentation and debates. I am like Moses who was afraid to speak because he would lose words along the way. I am never articulate in speaking. I am not a good debater. Simply, the court is not for me. But I became a lawyer just the same.

Had I stopped and discerned, I would have stuck to the teaching profession. This is what I love most. This is what I love best – reading, reading, planning, sharing, molding, advising, listening, recognizing, mentoring, and just being simply me.

I believe in purpose. Perhaps the reason why I went through a lot is because God wanted me to see how small I am. Perhaps the reason why God wanted me to see my being small is to let me realize that I am dispensable. Believing in that purpose and reason, I see myself as an artwork of a child. Perfection is not the key in that artwork, it is the child’s creativity and willingness to learn painstakingly how to draw. I am the child’s artwork, just one art paper that gets tossed away. But just like that artwork, I am relevant to the child’s learning and the child’s becoming.

I may be tossed. I may be hurled. I may roll. I may fall. But I am who I am today, and I have no regrets. I understand the reason. I understand the purpose. That makes me so blessed. That makes me happy.