When something is not for you, some things will happen, and these will prevent you from getting that something.
Has this happened to you? It happened to me a lot of times. I learned from those events in my life, when I wanted something and I prayed for it and nothing happened or some blocks were put along the way. I do not feel bad anymore when they happen now. I know that this is God’s way of telling me that “not all things go your kind of way.”
Back then, I would have wanted to be just a musician. But then I was not a square, a triangle or a round person. I was hexagonally cut with rough edges. So, what I wanted did not go well with what was in store for me.
Back then, I would have wanted to be a doctor. But then I was afraid of blood and needles. I could not eat in a hospital room. Worse, when I was dissecting the cat in Zoology class, I remembered the smell for days, for weeks, for months. Eating became a problem. So, I told myself, “I may not be a good doctor one day.” So, I quit on that idea of becoming a doctor.
Back then, I would have wanted to be a teacher. But then I belong to a generation that molded people to be a doctor, a lawyer, a nurse, an engineer. So, becoming a teacher was not one of those choices. Looking back makes me feel so sad. I was already there, and I let it go. Now I realize how important it is for a teacher to mold the minds of the young. I could have been a good teacher.
I became a lawyer not because I wanted to go to court. I became a lawyer because I wanted to make my father proud that someone took on his footsteps. I dread the courts. I do not love argumentation and debates. I am like Moses who was afraid to speak because he would lose words along the way. I am never articulate in speaking. I am not a good debater. Simply, the court is not for me. But I became a lawyer just the same.
Had I stopped and discerned, I would have stuck to the teaching profession. This is what I love most. This is what I love best – reading, reading, planning, sharing, molding, advising, listening, recognizing, mentoring, and just being simply me.
I believe in purpose. Perhaps the reason why I went through a lot is because God wanted me to see how small I am. Perhaps the reason why God wanted me to see my being small is to let me realize that I am dispensable. Believing in that purpose and reason, I see myself as an artwork of a child. Perfection is not the key in that artwork, it is the child’s creativity and willingness to learn painstakingly how to draw. I am the child’s artwork, just one art paper that gets tossed away. But just like that artwork, I am relevant to the child’s learning and the child’s becoming.
I may be tossed. I may be hurled. I may roll. I may fall. But I am who I am today, and I have no regrets. I understand the reason. I understand the purpose. That makes me so blessed. That makes me happy.